The Making of Bullying and Victims
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Main Notes
- Bullying has recently become a subject of widespread social alarm, with about a quarter of middle-school children involved as perpetrators or victims.
- The sources of bullying are little understood, and current measures to address it are often ineffective as they focus on behaviors rather than causes.
- Bullying is fundamentally an outcome of a failure of attachment, not a moral failure or stemming from abuse in the home.
- Peer orientation is a major factor in the rise of bullying, as it leads to the formation of unnatural hierarchies among children.
- Bullies seek dominance without assuming responsibility for those who submit to them.
- The psychology of a bully involves a combination of intense attachment needs and a desperate flight from vulnerability.
- Bullies use various methods to establish dominance, including putting others down, intimidation, and demanding deference.
- Bullies are triggered by perceived disrespect, non-submission, or displays of vulnerability in others.
- 'Backing into attachments' is a process where bullies indirectly seek connections by distancing themselves from others.
- The solution to bullying involves reintegrating the bully into a proper attachment hierarchy with adults and addressing their emotional needs.
- Protecting victims of bullying also involves reintegrating them into depending on caregiving adults.
- The problem of bullying reflects a broader breakdown in the basic values of attachment and vulnerability in mainstream society.
Cue Column
- How has the perception of bullying changed in recent years?
- Why are current anti-bullying measures often ineffective?
- What is the fundamental cause of bullying according to the authors?
- How does peer orientation contribute to bullying?
- What distinguishes a bully from a child who takes on a caretaking role?
- What are the key psychological components of a bully's mindset?
- What methods do bullies use to establish dominance?
- What typically triggers a bully's aggressive behavior?
- What is meant by 'backing into attachments'?
- What approach do the authors suggest for addressing bullying?
- How can victims of bullying be protected?
- What broader societal issue does the bullying problem reflect?
Summary
This chapter provides a comprehensive analysis of bullying, challenging common misconceptions and offering a new perspective on its causes and potential solutions.
The authors argue that bullying is primarily an outcome of attachment failure rather than a moral failing or the result of abuse. They identify peer orientation as a major contributing factor, as it leads to the formation of unnatural hierarchies among children.
The psychology of a bully is described as a combination of intense attachment needs and a desperate flight from vulnerability. Bullies seek dominance without assuming responsibility for others, using various methods such as putting others down, intimidation, and demanding deference.
The authors introduce the concept of 'backing into attachments,' where bullies indirectly seek connections by distancing themselves from others. This behavior is seen as a less vulnerable way for bullies to establish relationships.
The proposed solution to bullying involves reintegrating both bullies and victims into proper attachment hierarchies with adults. For bullies, this means addressing their emotional needs and helping them form healthy attachments. For victims, it involves encouraging dependence on caregiving adults to help them process their experiences and emotions.
The chapter concludes by suggesting that the problem of bullying reflects a broader breakdown in the basic values of attachment and vulnerability in mainstream society. The authors argue that addressing these core issues is essential for effectively combating bullying.